Meet Vanessa and Xander Marin, your new BFF couple friends! She’s a sex therapist with 20 years of experience and he’s a regular dude. Together they’re the shockingly open, slightly nerdy, and seriously funny couple you want to grab sushi with. They share the ups and downs in their relationship while giving you step-by-step techniques for improving yours. Subscribe for your weekly double date full of totally do-able sex tips, practical relationship advice, hilarious and honest stories of what really goes on behind closed bedroom doors, and so much more. It’s the sex education you WISH you’d had!
Latest episodes
Showing 20 · updated from the feed
E283: Reverse Cowgirl: Tips, Tricks, and Techniques for Maximum Pleasure
#25 trending · Health & Fitness
Ready to turn things around in the bedroom?
We're talking reverse cowgirl, and trust us, there's a LOT more to this position than simply facing the other direction.
Whe
Oct 22 54 min
E282: Is This Normal? He Made AI Sex Videos of Us, and I Have Questions
Your husband creates AI videos of the two of you having sex. You're only having sex four times a year. Or you tried a new position once, hated it, and have absolutely no
Oct 15 54 min
E281: Am I the Asshole? Kissing After Oral, Weight Gain, and Bad Sex
Would you kiss your partner after they went down on you? What would you do if your partner wasn't enjoying the sex you were having? And how would you handle it if weight
Oct 8 1 h 00 min
E280: The Initiation Mistakes You Don’t Even Realize You’re Making
Initiating sex in your relationship should feel exciting, not frustrating. But for most couples, it’s anything but smooth.
Whether you're feeling stuck, rejected, or jus
Oct 1 47 min
E279: Ask a Sex Therapist: Kink Icks, Spicy Pics, and Vanilla Sex
Would you tell your partner if their kink gave you the ick? What if their foreplay technique wasn't quite doing it for you? And is it normal for sex to be just okay most
Sep 24 1 h 01 min
E278: How to Get Out of a Relationship Rut: Your 4-Week Plan
Your conversations have turned into a running list of who's handling what, and your quality time is two people on one couch looking at two different screens. 44% of the c
Sep 17 52 min
E277: How to Take Your Orgasm to the Next Level with the Four Orgasm Amplifiers
Every once in a while an orgasm hits you like a freight train, and you lie there afterward wondering what on earth that was and why you can't do it again.
What if that w
Sep 10 52 min
E276: How Do You Turn Your Partner On? (When You've Been Together For Years)
At the start of a relationship, turning your partner on felt like it took basically no effort.
So what do you do a decade in, when you've watched each other fart and flo
Sep 3 49 min
E275: Reasonable or Ridiculous? Sex Quotas, Oral Every Time, and Dirty Talk Dealbreakers
It's time for another round of Reasonable or Ridiculous, where we take real life couple disagreements our community members just can't settle and play referee.
In this e
Aug 27 50 min
E274: Is it Normal to Not Orgasm During Sex? We Got Attacked for Talking About This
We recently shared a reel answering a question from a woman who didn’t orgasm during sex. The comments section turned into something we've never experienced in over ten y
Aug 20 1 h 06 min
E273: How to Try New Sex Positions Without Killing the Mood
This week we're answering all your questions about trying new positions, from how to introduce something new when you've been together forever, to why switching things up
Aug 13 1 h 00 min
E272: What Do Men Really Think About….? (Part 5) Rough Sex, Vibrators, and What Turns Them Off
It’s time for another episode of What Do Men Really Think About… and Xander’s back in the hot seat to answer your burning questions about preferences, fantasies, the deat
Aug 6 57 min
E271: The Real Reason You Can't "Let Go" in Bed
You're finally in bed together, but you can’t stop thinking about tomorrow's to-do list.
We've all heard the advice to “just let go”. Stop thinking, stop controlling, lo
Jul 30 50 min
E270: The 5 Silent Relationship Killers That Turn Partners Into Roommates
We ran a poll and 67% of couples told us they feel more like roommates than partners.
This week we're walking through our D.R.I.F.T. Framework: the 5 silent relationship
Jul 23 56 min
E269: Tie-Breakers: We Referee Your Realest Relationship Standoffs
Every couple has that one thing they’ll argue about until the end of time. TV in the bedroom. How to load the dishwasher. Can men and women just be friends? 👀
We asked o
Jul 16 1 h 01 min
E268: Ask Us Anything: Only Fans, The Ick, & Creeps In The Comments
It’s Xander’s birthday! And this week for our Ask Us Anything episode, we decided to answer some of your personal questions!
This one really pulls back the curtain on us
Jul 9 1 h 06 min
E267: The Hygiene Episode
Should I shower first? Is this normal? Why does it smell like that?
This week we're going there with zero judgment, answering your real hygiene and sex questions one by
Jul 2 55 min
E266: Ask a Sex Therapist (Part 3) Sex Pillows, Squirting, and Standing-Up Sex
You send us your most "I can't believe I'm actually asking this" questions, and we live for it.
So we're back with the third edition of Ask a Sex Therapist, going rapid-
Jun 25 1 h 00 min
E265: Is This Cheating? (Part 3) Emotional Affairs, Secret Texts, and Sneaky DMs
Have you and your partner ever actually sat down and defined what counts as cheating?
Most of us never do, which is exactly why the gray areas get so complicated.
We're
Jun 18 56 min
E264: What Women Really Think About... Part 3
So we're back with Part 3 of What Do Women Really Think About…?, giving you the honest answers women don't always say out loud.
From the mental load to mirror selfies, n
Jun 11 1 h 05 min
Chart trend
Position in the Sexuality chart (US), last 90 days.
#1#5#9JulAugSepOct
#1
all-time peak
267
days in the top 3 since Nov 2024
Chart positions
Where Pillow Talks ranks today in each Apple Podcasts chart (US, Oct 23, 2026).
A curated, balanced selection of Apple Podcasts reviews.
I’ve been listening to Pillow Talks weekly for about the past six months, and off and on for roughly a year before that.
While our lifestyles seem a little different, I really appreciate the conversations Vanessa and Xander bring to the table. They’re willing to get into topics that a lot of couples simply don’t talk about, and they do it in a way that feels approachable instead of preachy.
My one bit of constructive criticism is that sometimes they seem to teeter right on the edge of certain subjects, and I find myself wishing they were just a little more uncomfortably comfortable going there with their audience. Some of those conversations feel like they could go one layer deeper.
That said, I think they do an amazing job for what I’d call the spicy-vanilla community. This isn’t just a podcast for “oh no, my marriage is in trouble.” It’s more like, “I hope my marriage never gets in trouble, so let’s actually talk about this stuff now.”
And honestly, that may be the biggest compliment I can give it. It’s a podcast about building better communication, intimacy, and connection before things fall apart—not just trying to fix them afterward.
Poolboy81 · Sep 2026
This podcast has helped my husband and I improve our intimacy and overall marriage. Many times Vanessa or Xander say something that makes me say, “damn, I didn’t think of it that way.” Our sex life and marriage has changed for the better bc of these moments and my husband even follows and listens now too.
Becky5thgrade · Sep 2026
I started listening to your podcast about a month ago out of the blue. I ❤️ it. You guys have helped me work through so much of my past issues and start communicating better with my partner. He kinda picks on me about listening to my sex podcast but I have yet to get him to listen with me. Thank you so much for everything you guys talk about and making sex a normal topic to talk about.
EmilyB a random 20 year old · Sep 2026
My wife and I, happily married over 30 years and empty nesters for 6 years, love your show. We listen to it regularly together while traveling in the car and it always gives us great topics to discuss and explore with each other to keep our long term relationship spicy and intimate.
Dudley Holsworth · Sep 2026
I keep giving this podcast another chance and can’t stand how much Xander overpowers the conversation and doesn’t add value. I love, love, love to hear VANESSA's take. Xander, please let her talk more and don't interrupt. Often when she says something insightful, Xander then mansplains it. We don't need that. We don't want to hear you over-explain everything.
Xander, please let Vanessa take the lead on the podcast - she is the expert. Your rambling makes it difficult to listen to.
Golden leaves20 · Sep 2026
I came into this therapy-focused podcast intrigued by its promise of approachable, relatable conversations around creating a health relationship - led by a couple who claim to be the kind of people you’d “want to grab sushi with.” Unfortunately, that charm never really came through for me.
Xander, billed as the “regular dude,” doesn’t quite fit that label. He frequently dominates the dialogue, often cutting off Vanessa mid-thought. It’s frustrating, especially since Vanessa is clearly the one with the clinical expertise and real insight. When she does manage to get a word in, her commentary is thoughtful and grounded—but it’s hard not to feel like she’s fighting for airtime on her own show.
Xander’s tendency to steer the conversation back to himself makes the episodes feel more like a platform for his musings than a true exchange of ideas. It’s disappointing, particularly for listeners hoping to get genuine, informed advice on relationships and mental wellness.
If the dynamic were more balanced—if Vanessa had the space to truly lead—this could be a very different podcast. But as it stands, it falls short of both its therapeutic promise and its casual charm.
Shea Te’o · May 2025
We strive to present a balanced view by showing a diverse range of reviews from Apple Podcasts.
Here you find the Apple Podcasts chart positions of Pillow Talks, its latest episodes to listen to directly, and reviews from listeners. Rankings are updated daily for the United States.
