Bitch Bible

A Place of No

Jackie is channeling Kelly Killoren Bensimon, is all out of fucks to give, and unleashes her wrath on something that not nearly enough people are angry about: Hammocks.

Bump Bible: So Close, Yet So Far

Week 20 and Jackie is halfway through! But only halfway through…  She’s passing the time playing one-way hide and seek, planning the nursery, and groundhogging. Thanks f

There Can Be Only One Beyoncé with Craig Conover

Jackie sits down with Southern Charm's Craig Conover to talk about appropriate drinks to order on a date, the Destiny’s Child dynamic in a relationship, and his new book

Bump Bible: Fat Fat Fat

Week 16 and Jackie is feeling joyful and light, and finds herself understanding Phaedra Parks, eating an alarming amount of Red 40, and planning her future best selling p

Anti-Fungal Bitch

Jackie is holed up with her pistol packing housekeeper and discusses Andrew’s sloth-like response time in emergencies, her recent ingestion of a canine anti-fungal, and t

Bump Bible: I Am Baby

Week 14 and Jackie has turned a corner. She’s having a blast being her best bitchiest self, enjoying forbidden sushi, and letting everything hang out. Thanks for support

Painfully Particular

Jackie is fresh off a trip to Ojai and discusses the hellscape of hotel children’s pools, Blake Lively’s cake baking, and the gift of an awkward birthday text message. T

Bitch Bible Classics: New Money Valley Stripper

Jackie accidentally ingests aluminum foil, has a come to Jesus moment over a 1 star review, has another psychotic break about why she can't get guests and deep dives Jen

Bump Bible: It's a... Bitch

Week 12 and Jackie is coming out of the woods of her first trimester, finally enjoying food again, and ready for a gender reveal. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com

My Birthday Hate List 2026

Welcome to the Second Annual Jackie Schimmel Bitch Bible Spectacular 2026 List of Things I F****** Hate, in honor of her birthday. Thank you for supporting my sponsors:

Bump Bible: Regret & Robitussin

It's week 10. Jackie is in the depths of despair while fighting off a cold and she has a few words for the keyboard Kelseys. Thank you for supporting my sponsors: MomCo

Last Stop with Stassi Schroeder

Jackie is joined by Stassi Schroeder to talk all about her #1 hit show, House of Stassi, the do's and don'ts of holiday home decor, and how to be a star. See Privacy Pol

Bump Bible: Vinaigrette Measures

Week 8. Lights are dim, nausea closing in... Jackie stares into the abyss as she recalls the homemade remedies she took to ensure Clyde's younger sibling matches the wall

Woman in Crisis!

Jackie has a harrowing near death experience with her geriatric grandmother, tackles climate change and recaps the latest pop culture happenings. See Privacy Policy at h

Bump Bible: A Gender Bender

It is week 7 and the symptoms are symptoming. The future demon seed is the size of a blueberry and driving Jackie into the arms of a Wetzels Pretzels whilst spiraling ove

Entertaining the Masses with Nina Parker

Jackie sits down with tv host Nina Parker to discuss their days together in Entertainment TV, why Jackie hates check-ins, and Clyde's alien abduction story. See Privacy

Bump Bible: Trepidatious

Week 6 and Jackie is in limbo. Things are starting to get real, but she can’t tell anyone about the pregnancy yet. Except everyone at her local Italian Deli, of course.

Straight Outta Economy

Jackie is getting back to her economy roots and discusses a confrontation at Nordstrom Rack, manipulating pregnancy in her favor, and the joy of Ashley Judd’s Instagram.

Bitch Bible Classics: Loner Boner

Jackie recaps the Real Housewives, the local hero that lost it after no birthday gift and delights listeners with a Grammy worthy vocal performance! See Privacy Policy a

Welcome to the Bump Bible

Jackie begins a chronicle of her second pregnancy, speaking directly to moms with deep maternal care, understanding, and Plan B jokes. See Privacy Policy at https://art1