Bitch Bible

Cushions in Captivity

Jackie is ready for Off Brand October and is reminded of the enormous stupidity of the general population, stalks a man over patio cushions, and has not one but two publi

Bump Bible: Gestational Diabetes Warrior

28 weeks and Jackie aces her gestational diabetes test, reveals that pregnant women online are the new Al-Qaeda, and gives an update on the level of her doomsday baby fun

Effortlessly Cool with Heather Dubrow

Jackie sits down with Heather Dubrow to discuss how important she is to RHOC, why feeling like a local while traveling is overrated, and how much time is spent dreaming o

Bump Bible: Winded and Panting and Gasping

24 Weeks and we're viable, baby! Whatever that means. Jackie is doing what she can to feel as luxurious as possible: elevated water, candles, and forever chemicals. Than

Speedballing

It’s Yom Kippur and Jackie reflects on life to find she’s perfect in every way, but she hates her family and the backyard renovation is dangerously close to getting her k

Bitch Bible Classics: Atonement Lewks

Jackie celebrates Yom Kippur the day of atonement by deflecting her own wrongdoings. She discusses how the Fall solstice ruins lives, the groundbreaking news of Kylie Jen

Bump Bible: Push It

22 weeks and you know what, Jackie’s feeling pretty good. She's accepted the reality of having two boys, discovered a miserable community of mother’s to-be on TikTok, and

A Place of No

Jackie is channeling Kelly Killoren Bensimon, is all out of fucks to give, and unleashes her wrath on something that not nearly enough people are angry about: Hammocks.

Bump Bible: So Close, Yet So Far

Week 20 and Jackie is halfway through! But only halfway through…  She’s passing the time playing one-way hide and seek, planning the nursery, and groundhogging. Thanks f

There Can Be Only One Beyoncé with Craig Conover

Jackie sits down with Southern Charm's Craig Conover to talk about appropriate drinks to order on a date, the Destiny’s Child dynamic in a relationship, and his new book

Bump Bible: Fat Fat Fat

Week 16 and Jackie is feeling joyful and light, and finds herself understanding Phaedra Parks, eating an alarming amount of Red 40, and planning her future best selling p

Anti-Fungal Bitch

Jackie is holed up with her pistol packing housekeeper and discusses Andrew’s sloth-like response time in emergencies, her recent ingestion of a canine anti-fungal, and t

Bump Bible: I Am Baby

Week 14 and Jackie has turned a corner. She’s having a blast being her best bitchiest self, enjoying forbidden sushi, and letting everything hang out. See Privacy Policy

Painfully Particular

Jackie is fresh off a trip to Ojai and discusses the hellscape of hotel children’s pools, Blake Lively’s cake baking, and the gift of an awkward birthday text message. S

Bitch Bible Classics: New Money Valley Stripper

Jackie accidentally ingests aluminum foil, has a come to Jesus moment over a 1 star review, has another psychotic break about why she can't get guests and deep dives Jen

Bump Bible: It's a... Bitch

Week 12 and Jackie is coming out of the woods of her first trimester, finally enjoying food again, and ready for a gender reveal. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com

My Birthday Hate List 2026

Welcome to the Second Annual Jackie Schimmel Bitch Bible Spectacular 2026 List of Things I F****** Hate, in honor of her birthday. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.co

Bump Bible: Regret & Robitussin

It's week 10. Jackie is in the depths of despair while fighting off a cold and she has a few words for the keyboard Kelseys. Thank you for supporting my sponsors: MomCo

Last Stop with Stassi Schroeder

Jackie is joined by Stassi Schroeder to talk all about her #1 hit show, House of Stassi, the do's and don'ts of holiday home decor, and how to be a star. See Privacy Pol

Bump Bible: Vinaigrette Measures

Week 8. Lights are dim, nausea closing in... Jackie stares into the abyss as she recalls the homemade remedies she took to ensure Clyde's younger sibling matches the wall