Pleasure Uprising: Desire, Attachment, and the Sex You Actually Want

How to Initiate Sex With a Responsive Desire Partner

If you ask your partner "do you want to have sex?" and they say no almost every time, the problem might not be desire. Seriously.  It's the question. Responsive des

Your Superpowers: Building Sexual Confidence From What You Already Do Well

You know what you struggle with in bed, and you're probably pretty hard on yourself about it. But if I ask what you're good at, do you go blank? Focusing on our

The Worth Wound: Why You're Attracted to People Who Don't Want You

I used to break up with the good ones. The kind, available, clearly-into-me ones. Not because I got bored. Because it made my skin crawl. I knew it was bad for me, but I

How to Say No to Sex Without Rejecting Your Partner

She wanted more sex with her husband. She flirted. She invited him to bed. She was not subtle. And he had an entire set of moves for avoiding it. Staying up working late.

The Freedom Wound: Why You Say Yes When You Want to Say No

Picture someone who says yes to almost everything. They're helpful, they're loyal, they always show up. And yet there's always some reluctance. A headache.

Penis Size, Performance Anxiety, and What Women Really Want

A man came to me because his marriage was close enough to over that they'd both used the word divorce. Underneath the resentment and the withdrawal and the fights ab

The Trust Wound: Why Being Vulnerable Feels So Dangerous

I used to chase accomplishment hard, and I dismissed soft skills and people skills entirely — mostly because I had no idea how to do them. I'd put on this dissociate

Is My Vagina Normal? Undoing Vulva and Labia Shame

Around 40, I realized I felt disgust about my own genitals. I'd been carrying middle school bullies' words about female bodies in my head for more than thirty y

The Dependency Wound: When Care Was Never Something You Could Count On

One partner wants sex constantly and can't understand why they're being refused. The other has quietly stopped wanting it at all and feels like they're con

Body Shame and Your Sex Life: It's Not Your Fault, and Only You Can Fix It

Body shame is pervasive, especially for women but increasingly for everyone, and it gets in the way of much more than how we feel in a swimsuit. It gets in the way of pre

The Safety Wound: When Your Body Was Never Home

Part 2 of the Attachment Wounds & Erotic Emotions Series Maybe you have a tendency to intellectualize or spiritualize your experience, but not always fully feel it. Or m

Beyond Anxious and Avoidant: Here's What's Actually Driving Your Desires

That thing that turns you on but you've never quite been able to explain? Or the relationship dynamic you keep recreating? Those aren't random. And they aren&ap

What Makes a Great Lover? Research Shows It's These 8 Traits

If you're searching for how to be a better lover, chances are you're encountering a lot of opinions that aren't rooted in fact. Most of us absorbed a versi

When Parenting Your Partner is Killing Your Desire

You love your partner. You're pretty sure you're still attracted to them. So why does your body say no — and why does it feel so connected to the fact that you&

Even Light Power Play Needs a Negotiation (Here's How to Make It Sexy)

Most people who are experimenting with power play and BDSM aren't doing anything extreme. They're just two people who trust each other, trying to "spice it up."

Joy and Pleasure After Sexual Self-Abandonment

Sexual self-abandonment is what happens when we stop having sex for ourselves. We may or may not actually stop having sex -- we might be doing it for someone else. For th

What Two Feminist Relationship Coaches See in Heated Rivalry, with Maggie Reyes

It's Pride Month, and I am celebrating with my dear friend and fellow feminist relationship coach Maggie Reyes by doing something I've been wanting to do anyway

From Avoiding Sex to Loving It: Real Client Data

If you've been wondering whether your sex life can actually be different, this is the evidence. This episode is like the before and after photos you've been ne

The Last Place High Achievers Give Themselves Permission

You've solved harder problems than this. So why is this one still stuck? This episode is for the high achievers who have done real work on themselves — the therapy,

Coming Home to Your Body: What Sexual Embodiment Actually Feels Like

Most people who feel disconnected from their desire, their body, or their partner aren't broken. They're just exiled — from themselves. And nobody ever taught t