Engineering Love

The Truth About Resentment: 6 Types, Why It Stays, and How to Actually Heal It

Most people treat resentment like something to push away or white-knuckle through. But before you can release it, you need to know what you're actually holding — because

When Only One Emotional Tone Is Allowed: Dismissive vs Anxious Attachment in Conflict

Avoidant attachment isn't one category. Dismissive and fearful avoidant patterns respond very differently in conflict, and using the wrong repair strategy can make things

AI Is Great at Insight. Growth Requires Integration.

More than half of U.S. adults are now using AI to manage stress, anxiety, or emotional overwhelm. Among people who already use AI for mental health, nearly half say it's

Why Eating Disorders Are Not About Food

In this episode, Kim sits down with eating disorder specialist Sarah Burney to unpack what's really going on beneath "food noise," body dissatisfaction, and chronic strug

Thinking About Divorce? What to Know Before You Call a Lawyer

In this episode, I'm joined by Alex Beattie, founder of The Divorce Planner, to talk about what actually helps in the earliest stages of separation and divorce. Alex is a

Why Insight Isn't Enough to Change Your Behavior

You understand why you avoid. You see the pattern. And you're still doing it. In this episode, Kim Polinder explores the frustrating gap between self-awareness and ac

Procrastination: Why You Avoid What Matters Most

In Episode 10, Kim opens Season Two by breaking down procrastination in a way most people have never heard it explained before. This episode isn't about productivity, d

Why They Shut Down and You Start Doubting Yourself

In Episode 9, Kim answers listener questions about anxious–avoidant dynamics, communicating with partners who shut down, chronic self-doubt and perfectionism, and navigat

Why Their "Change" Feels Fake: Trauma Bonds, Betrayal, and the Illusion of Repair

In Episode 8, Kim answers listener questions about trauma bonds, abusive relationship cycles, repeated infidelity, and navigating boundaries with family members after pos

When They Shut Down, When They Stall, and When You Carry Too Much

Episode 7 dives deep into attachment dynamics, shutdown, commitment anxiety, and the hidden costs of people-pleasing. Kim answers listener questions about anxious–avoidan

Empathy Without Fixing: Grief, Emotional Support, and Breaking Self-Sabotage

In Episode 6, Kim is joined by relationship coach Mason O'Sullivan to answer listener questions about empathy, emotional support, grief, and long-standing self-sabotage p

Boundaries Without Guilt: People-Pleasing, Family Estrangement, and Relationship Triggers

In Episode 5, Kim answers listener questions about boundaries in family and romantic relationships, people-pleasing, guilt, and the emotional fallout of avoiding conflict

Self-Esteem, People-Pleasing, and Learning to Be Your Own Anchor

In Episode 4, Kim answers listener questions about self-esteem, identity, people-pleasing, and how to build a sense of self without losing connection to others. This ep

Resentment Explained: Abandonment, Infidelity, and Lowering the Pedestal

In Episode 3, Kim breaks down resentment: what it is, why it lingers, and how to work with it without letting it harden you. This episode introduces a key distinction b

Love Languages Revisited: Childhood Wounds, Texting Anxiety, and Infidelity

In Episode 2, Kim revisits the concept of love languages and expands it beyond Gary Chapman's framework to include what she calls childhood love languages: the ways love,

Engineering Love: How Relationships Break, Repair, and Repeat

In Episode 1 of Engineering Love, Kim introduces the core philosophy behind the podcast: that love isn't something that magically happens, it's something that can be lear