Beach Too Sandy, Water Too Wet

Latest episodes

Showing 20 · updated from the feed

409: Reviews of Coffee Creamers

A belly full of white dog turds. Right now, Fi is offering my listeners up to 30% off and free shipping when you visit fitracking.com and enter promo code BEACH. “Treat

Sep 30
51 min

408: Reviews of Froyo with Michelle Collins

I hate when they put wang in my food. Follow Michelle on Instagram at @michcoll or @The Michelle Collins Show We're going on tour! Buy tickets at https://www.beachtoosa

Sep 23
1 h 00 min

407: Reviews of Deodorant

A stained crotch is not the experience we wanted for you. Go to zenni.com/podcast and use code PODCAST15 for 15% off your first order, plus free shipping on all US order

Sep 16
43 min

406: Reviews of Novelty Ice

The Mona Lisa, a dildo, or a pug? Visit progressive.com and give the Name Your Price® tool a try. Prioritize your teeth this month and go to shopremi.com/beach and use

Sep 9
42 min

405: Reviews of Mini Golf

Just a bunch of angry elves. Support Smoking Werewolf Productions here: https://gofund.me/5766bf50d See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Priva

Sep 2
49 min

404: Reviews of Tiki Bars in Hong Kong (Patreon Re-Release)

R-r-r-r-remix See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Aug 26
38 min

403: Reviews of The Container Store

Anything that contains and can contain is contained within the container. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.

Aug 19
34 min

402: Reviews of Toothpaste with Roz Hernandez

Even Kazoo people use toothpaste. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Aug 12
47 min

401: Reviews of Fitness Trackers

Two people wanted to vomit and no one did. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info

Aug 5
46 min

400: Reviews of Summer Camps

If they don't care about ducks, they don't care about you either. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/priv

Jul 29
56 min

399: Reviews of Running Shoes

How do you think shoes feel about being entered by feet? See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-no

Jul 22
47 min

398: Reviews of Diners with Jessie "Jetski" Johnson

A cucumber is not an avocado. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Jul 15
59 min

397: Reviews of Lululemon

Statistically speaking you're probably no longer a listener. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#d

Jul 8
51 min

396: Reviews of Energy Drinks

This stuff literally tastes like blue cheese and smells like cat piss. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com

Jul 1
58 min

395: Reviews of Bath & Body Works

Nothing about carrots makes me think bougie See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-inf

Jun 24
58 min

394: Reviews of Raising Cane's

Soggy White Bread was my nickname in high school. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-

Jun 17
50 min

393: Reviews of Costco

If they remove the froyo it'll make my life a living hell. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-

Jun 10
49 min

392: Reviews of Shakespeare or Smut

Shakespeare coined that term hangy downy bits. Go to homechef.com/beachtoosandy for 50% OFF your first box and free dessert for life! Right now, Skylight is offering o

Jun 3
55 min

391: Reviews of Smut

Hyperspermia, which was new to me Visit Progressive.com and give the Name Your Price® tool a try. For a limited time, Honeylove is offering up to 50% off sitewide duri

May 27
1 h 20 min

390: Reviews of Shakespeare

Get thee to a gnomery! Visit progressive.com and see if you can enjoy a little extra cash back. For a limited time, Nutrafol is offering our listeners $10 off your firs

May 20
47 min

Chart trend

Position in the Comedy chart (US), last 90 days.

#1#98#194JulAugSepOct

#84

all-time peak

days in the top 100 since Nov 2024

Chart positions

Where Beach Too Sandy, Water Too Wet ranks today in each Apple Podcasts chart (US, Oct 6, 2026).

#193 ▼ 19 Comedy US

What listeners say

A curated, balanced selection of Apple Podcasts reviews.

At one point they spent ten minutes analyzing a furious review about a garden gnome “judging people spiritually,” and I was laughing so hard I had to pause the video. Their sibling chemistry is the real secret sauce. You can tell they’ve been annoying each other since childhood and somehow converted it into an art form. The only downside is I now read every bad review online in their voices. Five stars for comedy. One star for what they’ve done to my ability to shop in peace.

Lilee637 · Jun 2026

I look forward to this podcast every week! Xtine and Xandy always make me laugh, reading people’s ridiculous reviews.

Summer's Mama · May 2026

I feel like this podcast has re-wired my brain to be more positive. I want to share positivity and positive reviews everywhere I go. Thanks Schiefer Sibs!

Shaestershae · Jan 2026

Leaving my original review below to stay true to my word. I have listened to every episode now, and adore this podcast. I feel like Xandy was going through some stuff when I first started, and I’m glad I kept on. The sibling bickering and back and forth is perfect, their random stories are wholesome, and seeing how the reviews have evolved over time has been really cool to see, even if it was backwards at the time. The reviews are chaotic and I’m so happy to hear them on a weekly basis now. Keep it up guys. Original review: I came over and listened because of Xtine and ATWWD. I’m very on the fence about Xandy. Some days I feel he is extremely pretentious and clueless about his privilege/upbringing, and others I actually like him and think he’s funny. The content is solid (assuming they’re sober), and I’ve mostly enjoyed the episodes I’ve listened to (working my way backwards). My biggest complaints are about the editing. The number of times there’s just dead air before anyone starts talking is too often for a single episode. I’ve also experienced a lot of repeated content (it sort of loops back on itself). As of now, I’ll keep listening, mainly because the reviews seem to o dictate that their oldest stuff is way better, so I’m hoping I’ll like that more.

Amartbetan · Dec 2024

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