Bitch Bible

Bump Bible: Not a Bottle, Not a Swaddle

Week 36 and shit's getting real. Jackie is working the Schimmel Swindle on Clyde, has plans to redecorate the hospital's birthing suite, and could be weeks or maybe hours

I Don't Fucking Care

Jackie is experiencing PTSD flashbacks to last year’s backyard flood and discusses Selma Blair’s biting habit, flashes her hot gardener, and crafts the perfect awkward em

Bitch Bible Classics: Bloated, British, and Bitchy.

Jackie returns from London bloated and bitchier than ever. She recaps Real Housewives drama, her trip abroad, a diagnosis of OCD and gives awful life advice.  Little Spo

Bump Bible: Ma. Ma. Bear.

Week 33 and Jackie is looking in-credible; the jaw is sharp, she’s glowing, and dreaming of a scarf-clad, post-baby jaunt around Paris, but she’ll settle for a frozen lem

Call Me Jackeigh

Jackie addresses some nonsense internet backlash, plans the perfect glam lewk, and questions Kelly Clarkson’s sanity. Thanks for supporting my sponsors: Tonal: Use code

Bump Bible: The Anemic Angel

30 weeks and Jackie isn’t slowing down at all. She’s shopping for fresh trees, reveling in the attention from her purple bandage, and enjoying the holy trinity of See’s C

Cushions in Captivity

Jackie is ready for Off Brand October and is reminded of the enormous stupidity of the general population, stalks a man over patio cushions, and has not one but two publi

Bump Bible: Gestational Diabetes Warrior

28 weeks and Jackie aces her gestational diabetes test, reveals that pregnant women online are the new Al-Qaeda, and gives an update on the level of her doomsday baby fun

Effortlessly Cool with Heather Dubrow

Jackie sits down with Heather Dubrow to discuss how important she is to RHOC, why feeling like a local while traveling is overrated, and how much time is spent dreaming o

Bump Bible: Winded and Panting and Gasping

24 Weeks and we're viable, baby! Whatever that means. Jackie is doing what she can to feel as luxurious as possible: elevated water, candles, and forever chemicals. Than

Speedballing

It’s Yom Kippur and Jackie reflects on life to find she’s perfect in every way, but she hates her family and the backyard renovation is dangerously close to getting her k

Bitch Bible Classics: Atonement Lewks

Jackie celebrates Yom Kippur the day of atonement by deflecting her own wrongdoings. She discusses how the Fall solstice ruins lives, the groundbreaking news of Kylie Jen

Bump Bible: Push It

22 weeks and you know what, Jackie’s feeling pretty good. She's accepted the reality of having two boys, discovered a miserable community of mother’s to-be on TikTok, and

A Place of No

Jackie is channeling Kelly Killoren Bensimon, is all out of fucks to give, and unleashes her wrath on something that not nearly enough people are angry about: Hammocks.

Bump Bible: So Close, Yet So Far

Week 20 and Jackie is halfway through! But only halfway through…  She’s passing the time playing one-way hide and seek, planning the nursery, and groundhogging. See Priv

There Can Be Only One Beyoncé with Craig Conover

Jackie sits down with Southern Charm's Craig Conover to talk about appropriate drinks to order on a date, the Destiny’s Child dynamic in a relationship, and his new book

Bump Bible: Fat Fat Fat

Week 16 and Jackie is feeling joyful and light, and finds herself understanding Phaedra Parks, eating an alarming amount of Red 40, and planning her future best selling p

Anti-Fungal Bitch

Jackie is holed up with her pistol packing housekeeper and discusses Andrew’s sloth-like response time in emergencies, her recent ingestion of a canine anti-fungal, and t

Bump Bible: I Am Baby

Week 14 and Jackie has turned a corner. She’s having a blast being her best bitchiest self, enjoying forbidden sushi, and letting everything hang out. See Privacy Policy

Painfully Particular

Jackie is fresh off a trip to Ojai and discusses the hellscape of hotel children’s pools, Blake Lively’s cake baking, and the gift of an awkward birthday text message. S