Two Dicks in a Bar

Minus 52 Points for Being a Good Listener

Fantasy football draft recap turns into a public shaming when someone admits his bedroom superpower is "being a good listener" and gets docked 52 points on the spot. Also

Chinese Subtitles, a Returned Stolen Semi, and a Crying Stripper

Somebody decides they’re now watching every movie in Chinese subtitles from here on, right after explaining why porn is better with captions. Also: a stolen trailer gets

Balancing the Budget by Nuking Everyone First

An argument about flock cameras spirals into a full federal budget rebuild — 30% off the military, a corporate tax hike, and a surprisingly confident case for striking fi

Soaking, Strawberry Cocaine, and Shorts Two Sizes Too Small

The gang explains the Mormon “soaking” loophole in graphic, unnecessary detail, then pitches a flavored-cocaine business plan (strawberry, cherry, “decaf” for the coke-cu

Chester A. Arthur Ruins the Vibe

Someone rattles off a random dead president's name and it's correct, and nobody can let it go. Also: running with the bulls in Pamplona, a boat-terminology argument settl

The Purple Seltzer Has No Flavor and Neither Does This Government

A rant about a watermelon vodka switch and a mystery seltzer that’s just labeled “purple” somehow spirals into Fed policy, Trump’s Epstein birthday card, and a UN vote wh

Mitch, Please — Diamonds, Dead Talk Shows, and a Fake Bar Deal

The crew invents “Mitch, please” as the new “buffering” and immediately loves it too much. Also: a genuinely heated argument about diamond hardness versus brittleness, a

Fuck, Marry, Kill: Golden Girls Edition

The crew drafts Blanche, Rose, Dorothy, and Sophia in the filthiest game of the night, and somehow Sicilian folklore comes up. Also: the actual government conspiracy behi

Is Mitch McConnell Dead, and Other Olive Oil Conspiracies

The bar decides Mitch McConnell has probably been dead in a hospital bed for three weeks and nobody’s telling us, then pivots straight into “Big Olive” running the oil in

Divorce 101, Dick-Sized Pool Cues, and Hating Dave Matthews

Jesse gives an unsolicited, fully detailed tutorial on how divorce actually works, lawyer fees and all. Somehow that turns into a heated debate about cue stick diameter t

Passing Semis on a 150cc, Clit Pumping, and Property Tax

A guy upgraded to a bigger bike this year because last time his fat ass couldn’t make it up the mountain. Also on the agenda: the full LGBTQ+ taxonomy from twink to zaddy

The Mouse We Released on the Competitor’s Patio

Jesse once caught a white mouse in the bar and, rather than kill it, let it go underneath the wooden deck at the place across the street. He stands by this. Also: rank ch

Head Wound, Horse Jerky, and the Guy Who Beat a Calculator

Jesse got free drinks by papering a city meeting, Nate does mental math like a demon, and somehow the show ends up deep in Revelation debating whether Trump is the Antich

The Answers Keep Changing and That’s the Problem!

A Canadian shows up with opinions and the moon landing goes several rounds. Claude gets fact-checked in real time and doesn’t exactly nail it. Also: cooperation vs. scarc

Everything will be OK as soon as you are OK with everything.

If you had a week to live, would you stop sweating the small stuff? One answer is yes. The other would be MORE upset about traffic. That tracks. Also: ears cleaned for sc

Nobody Wants My Meat

The 2nd annual charity golf tournament raised money for the American Cancer Society, Anthony showed up with 10 pounds of venison nobody would take, and somehow the conver

“ She Nods Slowly”

Solo episode energy with Angel filling in for Mike, and somehow it works. The conversation hits the bar’s origin story, AI etiquette, a feminist chatbot breakup, and whet

The Trees You’ll Never See the Shade Of

Josh is 41, the Earth is older, and the immigration appointment system is broken on purpose. Episode 213 gets into it: redistricting and the fair districts amendment, why

No Snow, No Kings, and No Idea What We’re Watching

Jesse’s back from Breckenridge with a report: worst snow in 50 years, one open quarter of one mountain, and a lot of beginners getting in the way. Meanwhile, the crew cat

Colon Wall, Cold Fronts, and Country Music

From colonoscopies to Breckenridge, episode 211 covers a lot of ground. The crew checks the math on whether the No Kings protests have the numbers to matter, relitigates