That Checks Out

Sobbing Turtles and A “10 Bird” Bulge

The guys discuss how accepting that promotion can get you arrested, when extreme boredom will inevitably result in higher learning, and why “playing until the whistle” is

“Clack Clack… That’s the sound of the police…”

The guys discuss how many damaged vehicles it requires to necessitate a proposal, when guacamole coupons are considered adequate payment for $700 worth of Free Bird, and

A Front Stomach and Wet Disappointment

The guys discuss why Damon intends to foil any attack with his most “adequate” weapon, when 23,033 slaps will most definitely lead to salmonella, and how the most wanted

Batman Science and Cleopatra’s Hydration

The guys discuss how you only have 362 days to plan for panda sex, when engaging in a “fresh start” could cause you to bleed out, and why where you BRING your kid matters

“10% chance it works but 100% chance you’ll know about it”

The guys discuss why a cranberry tart taint undoubtedly ensures a burning sensation, when you’ll need to remove your slippers to avoid being murdered, and how most attrac

Nepally Shore and Internal Pool Noodles

The guys discuss why Norwegian steps will never compare to Icelandic steps, when spicy enchiladas are guaranteed to kill you, and how aggressive doggie kisses will cure b

Lobster Pants and Plane Trout

The guys discuss how having “relations” while vacuuming will almost always result in divorce, when the scent of Wasabi can save your life, and why “porcupining” has an ex

Baby Gangsters and “Was the bear picking mushrooms?”

The guys discuss how improperly gluing your hands to genitals can make for an uncomfortable car ride to the precinct, when throwing your baby over a fence incites endless

Intersection Breakfast and Deck Wiggly Wobbly

The guys discuss why Damon could be guilty of harassment towards Ted if they recorded in the UK, when an ambulance ride and a reduced fine doesn’t get your groceries put

Dinglebrothers Barnum and Bailey Circus and A Poomba

The guys discuss how tight mittens cause irreversible emotional scarring, when hygienically pressure washing your coin purse dictates that you always go second, and why b

A Smiling Slit and “you don’t win a fight with a limp squirrel”

The guys discuss why Damon believes his recent vacation photography expose may be the funniest thing he’s ever done, when it’s absolutely imperative that you leave your r

Traffic Cougars and “Can anyone drive a van?”

The guys discuss Damon’s newest way to order sandwiches, when a blind man’s nipple rub will totally crush your confidence, and how an entire bank heist hinges on high vis

ComaToes and “That’s a full yodel”

The guys discuss how why the lack of crowing makes everything much scarier, when flatulence is all you really need to expand your real estate portfolio, and how an intern

Wilfredmus Brimelus and “Oh, it’s always like this?”

The guys discuss how just keeping your mouth shut would’ve turned a $35,000 Ebay purchase into a $2.3 million windfall, when being “intertwined” assures you at least 1000

Gary Poppins and Prescription Cola

The guys discuss why you should never Uber with scissors, when the instructor decides to “step out” and the lesson intensifies, and how cage lids are the single most impo

Fecal Incidents and Voyeur Parking

The guys discuss how investing in a diamond studded cane can be detrimental to your retirement, when having windows that view sunlight and not collect it is far more cost

Throbbing Wicks and “send in the frowns”

The guys discuss how if everyone just did their part and gathered 200-250 bees the world would be a much safer place, when sucking multiple flippers means it’s time to ea

FlapSlacks, Fiscally Responsible Speakers, and “Is that a horse?”

The guys discuss how a friendship born of multiple mutual hatreds can last 40+ years, when a white coat obviously guarantees your medical prowess, and why telling someone

Nuts of Diplomacy and Yeet & Eat

The guys discuss why a man who hides in the bushes to photograph playgrounds should never run a youth internship program, when well-hung loaves of bread might just be the

“Just Enough” Taint Saving and Death Twerks

The guys discuss how a recent study would show that bungees have still yet to be proven as “optional” in extreme sports, when leaving a five star review will most likely