If You're Driving, Close Your Eyes

Almond Brothers

ARE YOU READY FOR SOME FOOTBALL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Because John, merritt and Niki definitely are!!!!! It's time for the new season to start and that means YOU get

Richard "Dick" Pants

merritt, John and Niki discuss Tom, Jerry, and the importance of family. Also I think Mike Meyers is in there somewhere. Welcome to If You're Driving, Close Your Eyes, a

Bikini Couch and the Upside-down Car

Okay yes, we can't act like it doesn't happen: Niki, merritt and John talk about Grand Theft Auto 6 on this episode. But it's not the only thing they talk about! Please!!

Guest House of Mouse

But really, how much can Frasier Crane Dot Com possibly cost? Welcome to If You're Driving, Close Your Eyes, a listener-supported comedy podcast where three noble explo

The Full Nightbane

Folks, it's a full Nightbane episode. That's right, if you for some reason aren't aware or haven't listened to the bonuses, Merritt frequently has Niki and John playing l

The Great White Off 2026

Could this be the final White Off ever??? Is this the longest Gimmick Month in If You're Driving history?????? To answer these questions and many more, please listen to t

Driving Week

Gimmick Month continues with all the car-related fun you can pack into one hour. Come travel the highways and byways with us. Welcome to If You're Driving, Close Your Ey

Normal Week

Gimmick Month continues with Normal Week, the most regular week of the show to date. It's very "business as usual" hours in here this episode, so don't be surprised if th

Smooth Week

Gimmick Month continues with the return of Smooth Week, back after a long absence for reasons we're just not gonna get into! How will Smooth by Santana (feat. Rob Thomas

Teen Week

Gimmick Month continues with Teen Week, where Niki, John and merritt not only embody the teens of today, but also try and reformat the show to be more appealing to the do

Week Week

It's once again time for Gimmick Month, the five-week experience where this show has some sort of coherent theme or premise, totally unlike how it normally is! This week'

Who Domed Buzz Lightyear?

Fresh from a theater with a very peculiar bathroom, merritt, John and Niki discuss the latest entry in the Toy Story franchise, how "toy" is determined and who decides wh

Ep. 187 Bonus: Drunken Wolverine Ninja Kung-Fu: The Home Game

Hey!!! We decided to make this week's Patreon-exclusive bonus episode available to everyone, just to give y'all a little taste of what you're missing out on. If you liked

Horse of the Year

merritt, John and Niki investigate what little remains of the world of soap operas, before moving on to the roller coaters of Dubai, "British Linus," knife training video

Aaahh!!! Real Judo

With Jordan back on the sticks, Niki, merritt and John attempt to tackle their biggest responsibility of the year: Planning for Gimmick Month. Welcome to If You're Driv

Til Death Do You Straight

Drivey note: this week's episode has been untouched by the loving hands of producer Jordan Mallory. John is much worse at Jordan's job than Jordan is, so please forgive t

Hails or Teads

This week merritt, John and Niki do an extended Star Wars goof (I don't think any of these spoilers are real, but who can say, really? I sure as shit didn't watch that mo

ABC vs NBC: Mark of the Millennium 2001

This week Niki, John and merritt discuss their shower habits, the contents of the Nickelodeon time capsule, skinned Grogu, the premise of 1997 ABC television series Teen

The Scions of the Tool Man

Niki is out this week, but merritt and John still find plenty to talk about in the meantime. Well, by "plenty" I mean mostly Tim Allen, but there's some other stuff in th

Pastor Princess

John, Niki and merritt assess the 2026 Met Gala in real time, providing up-to-the-minute details and analysis of all the freaks in their weird getups, in addition to disc