Pillow Talks - Podcast Rankings and reviews

I just want to say thank you to Vanessa and Xander - this podcast has helped me use the right language with my husband to communicate what i want and need and has also helped me dig through shame i have felt asking for these things in the past. So grateful to have found this podcast! I know my husband is grateful for you both as well!

Thank you, Vanessa and Xander (with an X)! I’ve been a faithful listener for several years now and have purchased a few of your courses along the way.

As a 46-year-old man in a 21-year marriage and someone who holds a deep, sincere Christian faith—while also carrying some “purity culture” baggage—your work has been a tremendous source of support and encouragement. You’ve helped me hold space for both faith and curiosity, and through your conversations and resources, I’ve experienced real growth.

I feel more at ease in my own sexuality and more hopeful and inspired in the ways I want to grow within my marriage. Thank you for your generosity, transparency, and wisdom. Xander, you’ve been a thoughtful and grounded role model for male listeners, and Vanessa, your professional insight and skill have been true blessing to me.

I love so much of the content and the deconstruction of so many of the messages we learn over time about sex. I access a lot of the content on social media and through purchasing their guides. I’ve tried to listen to the podcast but I struggle because it seems like Xander dominates the conversation and provides so many examples of his experiences that it takes away from Vanessa’s ability to provide guidance. I wish there was more space for Vanessa who has the education and experience because she does such an excellent job of explaining things and providing relevant information.

I’ve been dating my guy for apx 5 months and while talking about some intimate stuff he reminded me about your IG page and he said “…& that’s why I love them and their podcast.” Well I haven’t said anything yet to him yet but I’ve banked like 15 episodes in the past 2 days (& the day is still young!) I also purchased the foreplay course. I LOVE YOU BOTH!! Thank you!!! The needy episode was so applicable to right now but really the female orgasm episode… WOW!! I can’t believe I hadn’t listened to you before but I’m so happy I have so many episodes to keep me company. Not to mention the fact that my still semi-new BF recommended this podcast… I am so grateful for him and that he’s not “too much of a ‘man’” to Do THE WORK!!! Totally swooning over all of this! Also, I’ve for sure felt awkward listening to a few episodes but you always make me feel better by the end. I’ve been journaling simultaneously and I foresee me putting correlating journal-footnotes w your episode numbers in the future! I want every man, and woman, to listen to you!!! Much love!!! -Stef

I came into this therapy-focused podcast intrigued by its promise of approachable, relatable conversations around creating a health relationship - led by a couple who claim to be the kind of people you’d “want to grab sushi with.” Unfortunately, that charm never really came through for me.

Xander, billed as the “regular dude,” doesn’t quite fit that label. He frequently dominates the dialogue, often cutting off Vanessa mid-thought. It’s frustrating, especially since Vanessa is clearly the one with the clinical expertise and real insight. When she does manage to get a word in, her commentary is thoughtful and grounded—but it’s hard not to feel like she’s fighting for airtime on her own show.

Xander’s tendency to steer the conversation back to himself makes the episodes feel more like a platform for his musings than a true exchange of ideas. It’s disappointing, particularly for listeners hoping to get genuine, informed advice on relationships and mental wellness.

If the dynamic were more balanced—if Vanessa had the space to truly lead—this could be a very different podcast. But as it stands, it falls short of both its therapeutic promise and its casual charm.

So much giggling and filler talk. The actual content is good but you have to fast forward quite a bit to get to it.