The Topical

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The Topical

The Topical is the daily podcast from The Onion and Onion Public Radio, and the only podcast brave enough to ask: What if the news had sound effects? Join host Leslie Price each day as he barely scratches the surface of all the day’s top news stories. Journalism isn’t dead. It's using its dying breath to beg you to listen to The Topical. New episodes published every weekday by 5 a.m. Eastern time.

  • The Final Episode Of The Topical

    May 20, 2021

    The Final Episode Of The Topical

  • Papa John’s Comes Under Fire For Cruel Treatment Of The Bulbous, Deformed Creatures That Lactate Pizza Sauce

    February 5, 2021

    Papa John’s Comes Under Fire For Cruel Treatment Of The Bulbous, Deformed Creatures That Lactate Pizza Sauce

  • Scientists Warn Americans To Stay Away From That Bird

    February 4, 2021

    Scientists Warn Americans To Stay Away From That Bird

  • Nation’s Arborists Once Again Urge Congress To Lower The Age Of Consent For Trees

    February 3, 2021

    Nation’s Arborists Once Again Urge Congress To Lower The Age Of Consent For Trees

  • Paleontologists Determine Dinosaurs Were Killed By Someone They Trusted

    February 2, 2021

    Paleontologists Determine Dinosaurs Were Killed By Someone They Trusted

  • Team Of Vatican Geneticists Successfully Clone God

    February 1, 2021

    Team Of Vatican Geneticists Successfully Clone God

  • Nation’s Hypnotists Announce You Are Now Under Their Command

    January 29, 2021

    Nation’s Hypnotists Announce You Are Now Under Their Command

  • Deer Shot By Obsessed Fan

    January 28, 2021

    Deer Shot By Obsessed Fan

  • Dept. Of Homeland Security: ‘Has Anybody Seen A Blue Folder?’

    January 27, 2021

    Dept. Of Homeland Security: ‘Has Anybody Seen A Blue Folder?’

  • Fun Toy Banned Because Of 3 Stupid Dead Kids

    January 26, 2021

    Fun Toy Banned Because Of 3 Stupid Dead Kids

  • Congress Investigating Why Capitol Dome’s Atomic Vaporizing Ray Wasn’t Deployed To Eviscerate Rioters

    January 25, 2021

    Congress Investigating Why Capitol Dome’s Atomic Vaporizing Ray Wasn’t Deployed To Eviscerate Rioters

  • UFC Announces Their Athletes Will Now Be Allowed To Fight Each Other Through The Court Of Law

    January 22, 2021

    UFC Announces Their Athletes Will Now Be Allowed To Fight Each Other Through The Court Of Law

  • Secret Service Agent Heroically Dives In Front Of Strong Breeze That Could Have Killed Biden

    January 21, 2021

    Secret Service Agent Heroically Dives In Front Of Strong Breeze That Could Have Killed Biden

  • Biden Announces Nation Will Rejoin Paris Hilton Fan Club

    January 20, 2021

    Biden Announces Nation Will Rejoin Paris Hilton Fan Club

  • New Erectile Dysfunction Startup Sends Ripped, Virile Man Directly To Your Door To Bang Your Spouse

    January 19, 2021

    New Erectile Dysfunction Startup Sends Ripped, Virile Man Directly To Your Door To Bang Your Spouse

  • Exhausted Researchers Inform Public Covid Vaccine Won’t Shrink You Down To Size Of Ant

    January 18, 2021

    Exhausted Researchers Inform Public Covid Vaccine Won’t Shrink You Down To Size Of Ant

  • Animal Shelter’s Free Adoption Day Not Even That Good Of Deal

    January 15, 2021

    Animal Shelter’s Free Adoption Day Not Even That Good Of Deal

  • Shocked Authorities Discover Dozens Of Bodies Being Kept In Hospital Morgue

    January 14, 2021

    Shocked Authorities Discover Dozens Of Bodies Being Kept In Hospital Morgue

  • Majority Of Young Children Go Missing The Moment Parent Turns Attention Toward Themself For One Goddamn Second

    January 13, 2021

    Majority Of Young Children Go Missing The Moment Parent Turns Attention Toward Themself For One Goddamn Second

  • Report: Leading Cause Of Death Still Venturing Beyond The Pines

    January 12, 2021

    Report: Leading Cause Of Death Still Venturing Beyond The Pines